Yo, Axel! I've got the absolute last draft of the script for that play or whatever done. If you have any questions about it, you can take them up with my secretary.

[[Haruko's script does technically follow roughly the story as Axel pitched it. The original concept had a lot less painful or embarassing scenes for its intrepid hero. And a less harrowing ending. And less live bears on stage. No, stunt doubles will not be permitted.]]

MEMORY TIME

Haruko Haruhara! By day, she's a super famous rock star! Adored by fans, hated by the authorities! Her slammin' tunes so anti-authority that no man can hold her down!

By night... a GALAXY PATROL OFFICER!

The last daughter of a dying planet, Haruko swore revenge against the Terrible Space Lord! She spent many chapters powering up and learning the power of friendship! Their battles were desperate, numerous, and high-budget!

Finally, Haruko and the Space Lord were locked in an epic final struggle, racing against the clock to gain control of the Time Traveling Space Crystals to unlock the horrible secret of her past! With the Red and Green Time Traveling Space Crystals already in the Space Lord's grasp, does our hero have any hope of victory? Stay tuned, next memory recovery!

[[1% spent on last name, 1% spent on being a Galaxy Patrol Officer. The rest is made up. Total 8% spent, 7% unspent.]]

FLCL?

Fooly





Cooly?





[[1% memory spent on FLCL.]]

[filtered to The Council of Sexy Awesome Etna, Aisha, and Pyocola, unhackable]

Guys. GUYS. We have a problem.
Sakura's all emo. She won't even get hilariously indignant when I do stuff, and I have a feeling that bigger pranks would make her go all Freddy Kreuger on my ass.

We need to figure out how to get her back to normal, so that we can go back to tormenting her properly.

HEY, SOS PEEPS!

I want a golden turkey. Somebody catch one and gimme it. I'll give you a reward.

ATTENTION MOKONA, LUST, ETNA, ED, GINKO, AIZEN, ICHIGO, MOMO, IZURU, PRINNIES, TRUNKS, REN, MOKONA, LYSERG, COORO, DANNY, RIKA, GIN, TAMAKI, AIZEN, TAKESHI, VASH, KUKAI, KYON, AND MOKONA:

Remember that SOS Brigade thing? Well, it's mine now! So just, keep on doing what you were doing, and I might tell you to do something at any moment.

Can any of you play the drums?

My good-for-nothing bastard loser asshole guitarist up and disappeared, so I think it's about time for

BAND AUDITIONS

All applicants must be rockin' awesome dudes, be able to play at least one instrument, be down with the occasional righteous party, and be willing to stick it to the man at least twice a week.

I am looking for any of these:
-Guitarist
-Drummer
-Second Guitarist
-More Vocals
-Keyboard (optional)
-Other (even more optional)
-If you show up with a banjo then your life is forefeit

*bores a tunnel through a fountain in the park with her mind*

IAMTHECOOLESTPERSONINTHEUNIVERSE

[[Fizban's magical mishaps have left Haruko 11 feet tall, moving at double speed, and able to create massive holes in any wall at will. These effects will last for 40 minutes, 400 seconds, and 40 hours respectively. ME, tremble in fear.]]

All right. *ahem*

Hello? Is this thing on? *fiddle* HELLO?

All right, there we go.

ATTENTION, MR. GUNTER VON WHATEVERSWISHYDUDE.
I HAVE HERE A HEFTY NOTEBOOK, AND A REALLY NICE MEGAPHONE. WHO KNOWS WHAT UNTOLD HORRORS LURK WITHIN THIS BOOK. I'M THINKING THAT MEMENTO EDEN HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW, AND I THINK I'M GOING TO READ IT TO THEM, RIGHT HERE AND NOW.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IF A CERTAIN PURPLE-HAIRED GUY SUDDENLY DECIDED TO DO A LOT OF NICE THINGS FOR ME, I MIGHT SUDDENLY LOSE MY VOICE AND HAVE TO POSTPONE STORY-READING HOUR.

TICK.

TOCK.


[[Subtract $10 for megaphone purchase.]]

HEY SAAAKURAAAAAA

THERE'S ROSES ON OUR DOOR AND I THINK THEY'RE FOR YOU
AND I DON'T THINK THEY'RE FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND

WHAAAT WIIILL YOOOUUU DOOOOOOOOOOO?

HEY GUYS

How many melons have you broken?
Like, zero? Or one?

Well, guess what - I BROKE TWO!

That makes me, like, the melon master. Losers. I-

Oooh.

[[2% Memory spent on how to play the bass. For the next several hours, infectious bass lines and awesome bass solos will be drifting out of Haruko's room.]]

*boing!*

PARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTY!

*boooing!*

HEY everyone in the band! Bounce over to room 209! I have booze and the room is all boingy. We are going to have the best time ever.

STAGE MANAGER.

Did you get that booze yet? I set you out to find it, like, a year ago.

A band isn't a band until they've properly partied. I feel like I've been sober for weeks.

Heeeey.

*rolls around*

Someone teach me magic.

Or at least teach me how to break magic.

Or at least break magic for me.


Stupid Aizen.

[[Haruko has been bound by Aizen kido. She is incapable of using any limbs at the moment.]]

Huh?

...so that's why I keep hitting people.

Well, as long as I have a good reason, I might as well be methodical about it.

[[3% Memory regain for the nature of N.O. and how to awaken it. Fear, ME.]]

Whoa! This is awesome!

Check it out! I'm on the floor over there! And I'm also over here! Double the fun! I can make two bands at once!

...who's this Kite guy in my head? His hat is stupid.

That party thing sounds like a good time, but getting a job sounds boring. Someone buy me a ticket. I'll give you a reward.

Haruko's super rock band: Assemble!

Tall blonde guy: Sing something for me! Your job is pretty important, so it's a problem if you stink.

Guitarist Guy with Blue Hair: Find a guitar! Five bonus points for an electric, ten if it's a Gibson!

Metal dude who plays Drums: Hit stuff! Then, try hitting stuff with rhythm! Let me know how it goes.

Stage Manager with Bad Fashion Sense: Find somewhere where we could put a stage! Also, get some booze.

Secretary Slash Mascot: Come up with some cool band names! Then, go find the stage manager and help him carry things. If he doesn't need that, then find someone to cheer on from the sidelines. And make it sexy!

Tsukkun: Make coffee for everyone! I want mine black.


I think that's everyone. If I forgot someone, or if you want to join, just give me a call. I promise that I almost definitely won't hit you with anything.

Huh.

[private]
Well, this is weird. I'm... uh... Haruko. Lost in the woods for some reason. Definitely a rock star. Beyond that...

...nope, I got nothin'. Time to start finding some answers. Or, you know, hurting people. I'm not picky.
[/private]

Heeey! Anyone there? There's a lost, confused damsel in distress out here! A hot one! First person to find her gets something nice!